Husbands and Wives Built In Tension
Our all-knowing Creator Yahweh built a tension into the male-female relationship that was designed to amazingly satisfy our emotional and spiritual and physical needs. This tension can only be brought to a place of fruitfulness and fulfillment when our relationship is submitted to the Lord. The husband-wife journey was designed to be the 2nd most powerful experience of renewal in our lives.
One of the obstacles we face in realizing the blessings of this tension is living in a culture that increasingly pushes us to ignore this tension and also to use it to engage in all-out war between the sexes. As a result, almost all marriages and relationships get stuck in an enticing but destructive dance of whereby both parties end up either injured or traumatized. Then the following years are spent on attempts to find healing and escaping the growing bitterness.
Where’s The Beef?
So what is this tension? A husband’s need to be respected and a wife’s need to be loved is described in Eph 5. This passage has so much truth built into it. While both men and women have a need to be loved and respected, the foundations for a husband’s sense of fulfillment is through being respected and a wife’s is being loved.
We are not going to get into all the details of the “men are from mars and women are from venus” thing because we want to keep things simple. Relationships between men and women tend to get complicated all by themselves and our hope is to avoid this.
We are also not going to get into the definitions of love and respect – that is up to you. The best pictures of love and respect are found in scripture. We will say however that there are some aspects of love and respect that are the same.
In conclusion, we can enjoy some of the greatest blessings of renewal that our Heavenly Father has prepared for us by getting better at walking through this tension. Guys, simply ask yourselves, am I loving my wife in this situation? Ladies, simply ask yourselves, am I respecting my husband in this situation? If your answer is no, make an adjustment.
And if your differing views of love and respect are creating extra tension in your marriage, ask how you can be more loving or more respectful.
Michael and Charleen Ecuyer